Saturday, May 07, 2005
I'm walking away, from the travels in my life. I'm walking away, oh to find a better day...Sometimes, certain things will happen that you seem to see everything is falling down on you. Everything. Your results are really getting an all time low. Your teachers don't really care whether you're trying your best. Your parents don't trust you on anything anymore. Your friends can't help you even though they try. Even your soulmate does something that you'd never tought he or she could have ever done or said, especially during a trying time. Even practicing your favourite sport like playing soccer or giving the old bag a good kick or two doesn't seem pleasing. It leaves me to one conclusion.
The world is a crazy place.
I know there are people who are suffering or living a life which is literally hell compared to mine but please, does anyone think that by saying that, I will feel better?
HELL NO.Sometimes, some people get me wrong, was it something I said and done...Friends, I'm not angry or upset with you guys. Without you guys, I think I might have just commited suicide or something. Heh, joke guys. But seriously, you guys have been great.
It's just I got my AP paper back and found out I did really bad. It's just a concidence that after I found out that I busted my last to a decent graduation night, my parents forbid me from going to the chalet. The reason? My fucking exams are around the corner. Oooh, I see the logic in all of that.
Then something else happens, which I will not say here as it is personal, that turns my whole perspective of life upside down. Let's just say that you just can never hope on something too much. That sometimes, when you've given all your best for something, that thing just throws it back at you. That your whole world can turn from normal colour to negative after a short conversation. Talk about an out-of-this-world experience.
And I searched your eyes for an answer, and shuddered at what I found there. As my skin shrank away from conclusion, that you lack the strength to care.Never have I felt so pissed, disappointed or sad. I even hit this ITE guy for no reason near Jurong East cause he stepped on my shoe. Thank God I stopped before he became unconcious. And luckily his friends didn't seem to mind. If he's reading this, I hope the bleeding was not because of your nose. He was good looking by the way. Hmm.
From this day on, I vow to never hope too much. I have to understand that in the end,
nothing is perfect. No matter how right, or perfect, or special something is, its gonna screw up one day and seriously hurt you. In your face.
Find me, I'm falling, and fooling, myself that it's flight...However, I'm not gonna give up. I will stay on. And I will go on despite what my parents say of me. I'm thinking that hey, once everything has disappointed me once, it can't go worse than that right? I mean, that's the worst that can happen right?
I seriously hope I'm right. I thank God Almighty for preserving my sanity.
KhaiP.S: To that someone, my mind is mute, my nerves are numb. But still, I know you're still waiting for me, I know you'll still be there. I will never be disappointed again. Ever. But one thing is for certain, I will still be there for you and love you more than ever. Don't ask me why I'm still willing to do this. Love is unconditional. I love you and will always do.
